Ehsaas

qqTum aai ho meri jindagi me itefak bankar ,

Tum ho meri jindagi me kaynat bankar .

Tum basi ho inn  aankho me khwaab bankar ,

Tum rehti ho iss dil me pyar bankar .

Chahta toh main bhi yeh hun ki  iss , itefak , kaynat , khwaab , aur pyar ko apni jindagi ki schai bna lun ….

Lekin tum bacchi ho meri yaadon me bas ek Ehsaas bankar……..

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The girl .

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I find a girl inside me ,

struggling hard to survive .

Although she is killed each day ,

with the holy knife .

 

I try myself , making her feel ok ,

but nothing goes right ,

She cries and cries each day ,

but never answers the reason why ??

 

There was a time , when she was strong ,

nothing could make her weak ,

For , now the only reason she is surviving ,

lies in her heart deep within .

 

 

My first award !!

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This is my first post of new year . I know it’s late , but  I wanna wish all my lovely readers a Happy new year ..!!! : ) : ) …

I feel truly excited as well as happy as I am nominated for this award from one of my favourite writers , Nathprasad Dhanavat . He writes so well , that you can actually relate to his every word of the post . I am sure you would love his writings too . To get updates from him , do follow him on –

https://nathprasaddhanawat.wordpress.com/

Thank you so much my friend for nominating me , for my first ever award on WordPress.

The Rules:
Here are the rules for all those who will be receiving this award.

  1.  Create a new post thanking the person who nominated you, link their blog. Include award graphic.
  2. Answer the questions provided.
  3. Make a new set of 10 questions for your nominees to answer.

Nominate 10 recently followed bloggers and share your post with them so they see.

Question asked to me –

 

What is something that no one would guess about you?

ANS- I have gone through many good and bad experiences in my life . And all these times I have been strong . The thing that no one would guess about me  is …I am in real need of true love !! I am actually longing for love !  I really wanna experience it .  : ) : )

Do you believe in ghost? if yes, then explain one experience?

AND- Yes I do !! I do believe ..there had been no experience all though ..but , I have actually gone through severe nightmares ..

What is one thing, you have had to overcome in your life?

ANS- I really wanna overcome the fear of being in a society, where everyday ppl judge you without any basis  . It’s actually that feeling of , ” LOG KYA KAHENGE ??” ( what would ppl say ? ) , that pushes me down a lot of time.

What is the most important thing to you?

ANS-  Happiness !! I don’t find anything useful  to me , until it makes me happy  about doing it . Happiness indeed means , the happiness in being yourself and learning all the time .

What do you wish someone would ask you?

ANS- Can I be with you throughout your lifetime , travelling places and just being ourselves , loving each other ??

What do you think about me? am I deserve to be writer or not ? Any advice please?

ANS- As a person I think , you are someone who is very loyal to a relationship , let it be of friendship or love. You deserve to be a writer , a writer who writes by his heart ! The advice is continue writing the same way you are writing  now ! You are really doing well !

What is your dream job?

My dream job is where you get respect , opportunity to travel a lot of places , freedom to express yourself , and feel proud of  doing your work ! . I have a dream of becoming a  Journalist , or Officer in Indian air force , (  as I am from an ex-serviceman background ) .

What do you think about wordpress account, should it be anonymous or real?

ANS- It should be real , only then one can experience many more things . What’s the use of being fake? A writer is known by his heart !!

What’s your favourite song ? if there is any mystery behind liking it ..please explain?

ANS- I just have two songs which I love the most and always will-

Tum hi ho – It’s bcz I love the feeling of love in this song . It really makes me feel loved , and I know it will sound cheesy , but I feel someone is singing for me .

Main phir bhi tumko chahunga – This song really helped me out a lot . I just love the depth of feeling in this song . It makes me believe that true love do exists .

If we take in english songs – I like , ” But the heart wants what it wants ” by salena gomez and ” I hate you , I love you ” – by Gnash . ( you should try this one out !! )

Who is the best person ever met you on wordpress?

ANS- You are the answer of your question .

My nominees are –

 

  1. sreeblogs
  2. entropy blogger
  3. bhavana
  4. maya bhat
  5. priti c
  6. daringdhanya
  7. himanshi shukla
  8. vaibhaw verma
  9. Nathprasad dhanavat : )

10.sanskriti khound

My questions for the nominees are-

  1. What is the hardest decision you have ever  taken in your life?
  2. Was there any moment in your life , when you went weak ? How did you overcome it?
  3. Explain yourself in one line.
  4. Do you believe in love at first sight?Any experiences ?
  5. What are your thoughts about society ?
  6. What is that one thing you wanna do in life?
  7. What is life according to you ?
  8. Lyrics that connects you to your heart .
  9. Reason behind following my blog .

10.What are your views regarding my blog ?

Thank you so much readers for following me , do write your answers , I am waiting ..!! And once again thank u Nathprasad !!

Another Lie.

via Daily Prompt: Confessww

“I am asking you to marry me because I love you,” he said, “because I cannot imagine living my life without you. I want to see your face in the morning, and then at night, and a hundred times in between. I want to grow old with you, I want to laugh with you, and I want to sigh to my friends about how managing you are, all the while secretly knowing I am the luckiest man in town.”

“What?” I demanded.

He shrugged. “A man’s got to keep up appearances. I’ll be universally detested if everyone realizes how perfect you are.”

“I love you.”

I stared stupidly at him. Was he joking again, reciting another line from my story? I didn’t remember writing this.

He leaned in and kissed me. I didn’t respond for a few seconds. My mind lagged behind what my body was feeling.

“Say it,” he whispered against my lips. “I know this is hard for you. Tell me.”

“I love you.” Hearing my own words, I gasped at the rush of emotion. ” But I can not be with you ..” I added..

He, widening his eyebrows …” but why ? ..is there a reason ??”

” You gotta stay away from Love and I gotta stay away from  Lie”…….

The time I found her…

Romantic lovers with eiffel tower

He- so are we meeting today ?

she – yeah , you already informed me ! 7 sharp right ?

He – yah okk…CAFE PLAZO?

SHE – Humm..yah! I will be right there !

He- don’t be late ..at least today !

she – yah yah , what – so -ever ! This time I will prove you Ajay , that Riya can even come on time !

He- oh !! good then !! Let me see ..I know you will be late , anyway I will be waiting !

She – Yah fine , this time you will be late! Get ready to loose your bet , and this time you have to pay the whole bill !!bye!

He- yah ! with pleasure  Ms. Riya ! See you , bye !

 

I have been thinking about her day and night . I don’t know how we became so close .We were friends from our school days  , best friends ! It’s 4 years from then now , and we are together , still the best friends …Playing together , talking together , fighting with each other , getting angry with each other , and then coming back and saying sorry !…but my feelings for her are more than just friends . I use to admire her from the  beginning , the way she does her every work so perfect . The way  she reacts like a matured girl and then sometimes a child in her comes out . The way she sees me and gives her lovely  smile , the way her eyes speak to me …I loved everything about her . But today I was going to say her my feelings ….

I was waiting for her at the same place where we always use to meet . Riya loved the coffee of this cafe . It was 7:20 in the evening and Ms. Riya  was already late by 20 mins , as usual ! As I saw my watch the 22nd time , I saw Riya entering the cafe . She was wearing her Navy blue short frock , which she usually wears it to her salsa classes . As she entered , she gestured her move and brought her hair  front . She came to me , smiling and started with her chain of sorryssss…She was looking so beautiful at that time , that for some time I never stopped looking at her . Her pink lips , her black shining eyes….all were so perfect . My Riya was looking gorgeous that day . I would have seen many beautiful girls in my life time , but no one could match my Riya . Some or the other way she was better than any other girl . She didn’t change from the time we became friends , just that she became 1000 times more beautiful to me , more loving to me .

She – Look it was heavy traffic , and see this time too I am late . Now I have to pay the whole bill . Not fair Mr Ajay ! Anway did you order my coffee ?

It was when I realized that she asked me a question .

He- Yes I did !What is this you are wearing ?? You are looking so fat Riya…chiii….Still you are looking the same , chudail to me !( even though she was the most beautiful girl that day I have ever seen , I teased her in the same way ).

She- Haww..how mean yaar Ajay  …You see , two months and I will look not less than a  model , seriously I hate you !

He- ha ha.. just joking ! but I know you can not loose wait , you will always be the moti for me .

The waiter brings the coffee ….

I was still admiring her . Her pink lips were sipping the coffee slowly . I wanted so badly to tell her what I felt for her. I was hating myself that time. I planned so much for her , I even tried repeating lines by seeing myself in the mirror . But all I did was in vain . Mr Ajay  , the best basket ball player , the best hockey player of the college was sitting with the girl he loved the most in the world but was not able to speak anything ! What if she says a no?? Oh god…..what if our friendship breaks ?? What would she think of me?? ahhhh…I was going mad . All the moments I spent with Riya were rotating in my mind. I was seeing the way she smiled , the way she would enlarge her eyes out of excitement, the way she called my name , the way she gets angry and stop talking to me , the way she scolds me . It was when I realized , Ajay , now or never !!!

I gently took her hands in mine and said ,

He- Riya I wanna tell you something …

She- what ? really ?? Mr Ajay wants to say something to this fatty ??

He- Riya ,you are not fat . You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen . Yes there may be many beautiful girls than you too, but for me , everything you do is more beautiful than anything. Riya , we are friends from past 4 years …but everything for me was not just friendship except for the starting . You mean a lot to me Riya , although I never expressed it to you .

She- Ajay …I know …But…what you want to say Ajay ??…I mean..I can not understand you …

(HER HANDS STILL IN MY HANDS ..)

He- Riya , my life is incomplete without you . From morning to evening , I try every little thing to be closer to you . You are the reason to my smile , you are the reason why  I have become such good person in my life. You taught me that life not only revolves around books …you gave me life Riya . Every time before I close my eyes in night  I think about you , I see you smiling and laughing . Even if I try removing my thoughts from you I can’t . I don’t know why !!??? You are that confident girl I have seen breaking so many times but raising back with a smile . You make everyone smile .

She- Ajay …You are making me cry ….

He- I would never let that happen Riya . I want to tell you something today Riya that I have been trying to say from past 4 years ..

( I kneel down on my leg , ….the waiters start the music , I take out the ring from my pocket …)

He- I know you never like me wasting money ….But I could do this for the girl I love .

Riya , I LOVE YOU RIYA, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH   , You are the reason to my smile , my life. ..I LOVE YOU THE MOST IN MY LIFE  ,….You mean a lot to me ….do you love me too…???

She- Ajay …you know that I don’t believe in relations.Relationships doesn’t lasts longer . People do false promises and they change and more  importantly we need to change according to them   .Everything won’t be like before Ajay , you will change . You deserve someone better Ajay . Not me !! I am liked by none ! Everyone sees me with eyes down ….You know everything but still…?? You deserve someone better Ajay , don’t ruin your life because of me….

He- Riya we will be the same …our college seats , our long drives , our fun moments , everything will be the same ….You are not just any other girl for me Riya…I know your importance in my life , and I promise that I will keep you like my princess , I won’t change you Riya , the one mad girl I love the most . I love you the way you are . There exists no better perfect girl for me than you Riya….I Love you …( saying this I went to her and hugged her..she broke down into my arms …there was a smile on her face and tears in her eyes., It was like she badly needed me…..)

She- I love you too Ajay….Don’t leave me ever…..

He- I won’t even if you become fat as pumpkin ..!! (I slipped the ring in her ring finger)

She – ( smiling) …How mean you are, you always tease me……You won’t change na…..

He- I will never …Even when we become oldies…I will still love you like how I love you now…

She -hey what about the bill.???..

He- ummm..take it as a treat from me …..Mrs Ajay …

She- OH REALLY  Mr. Ajay..??Then..I would love to have this treat of coffee for lifetime…

He- And I would love to have you for my lifetime Mrs Riya Ajay…………..

 

 

Hello friends …!!

I feel very happy to share that I am trying to improve my skills day by day . I feel more happy to write now , as many people followed in past some days . I never thought that my writing could be loved by someone . All this credit is to my lovely readers….Really thank you so much for your love and support cause , without you I cannot exist ! The days are going very fast , and this time I want to come up with a blog which is of your choice .Yes this time I would be writing on public opinion . If you want me to write on a topic which you would love to read it from me , do suggest in the comment column below . This is just a way to know what type of writing my readers want from me.Feel free to share any idea or particular topic you would like to give me.  As my blog name suggests , “JOURNEY FINDING MYSELF” , I am here to learn new things not only through my thoughts , but from your thoughts too. Even if you have suggestions on my previous blogs or something which made you attracted , do comment below . I would do my best bringing the new blog by improving myself  and would love to hear things from you .

Comment fast , I am waiting !

With lots of LOVE ,

Sunaina !!!

lIFE- dark shaded!

(I kept this part of my life aside , and never wanted myself to  again think about this. This was until one of my lovely reader requested me to write on this . I hope my story helps you to move on in your life buddy .  )

 

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I was talking to my friend then , when my eyes fell on her. Whenever I use to see her , a feeling of pain would go through my heart . I wanted to talk something to her from past 4 months but never got the courage , as her one answer would take my life . But that day ,it was different ! I went to her and caught her hand . “Look, you are a girl , and only you can understand my feelings. Please tell me ! Were you in relation with him ??” . As I ended this question , a gulp of saliva crossed my neck . She took a long breathe . ” Yes I was ! Your boyfrind have been cheating on you , I am cheated too “. I could not sense anything . The answer finally she gave after  4 months 12 days , shattered me into pieces. I smiled and said nothing. I drove to my house as fast as I can . I lay myself  down on my bed with a pillow , covered over my head. All those moments I spent with him started revolving around my head . The first time we met , the first time I said him I love you , the first time I saw close into his eyes , the first time he held my hand in his hands, the promises we made  . Tears could not stop out of my eyes . I was hating myself for doing everything for him . I left out the world for him . I changed myself for him . But everything I did for him was of no use . He cheated me !! Yes I was been cheated upon by a boy whom I loved the most in the world ! . I was in my house  on the same corner of my bed , staring at the window ,day and night , crying , sobbing , and asking again and again to myself ” why did it happen to me ??” . ” was I that bad for you? , “what was my fault , that I loved you so much?”. The questions were not getting answered by me .Those times when we smiled together , gave me the feeling of pain.Whenever I use to go out , the society use to see me like  bitch . I was considered to be characterless . I was not able to tell my feelings to anyone. Everyone was putting me down , but nobody was able to understand me of what situations I was going through that time . How could I tell them that the boy whom I loved has cheated me . The reason for everything was him , and he was not there for me that time. How does it feels when you gotta know that the feelings shared with you were also shared with someone else. How could someone can cheat so badly? Didn’ t he think of me one time? . On one side was the world who was taking me wrong and on another side I was fighting with the love I ever needed. Our relationship turned out from forever to never . I was thinking of all those things he did for me and still cheated on me .Does that mean that we can never trust anyone ? . If everyone acts in the same way , then how we will differentiate or identify the person who loves truly and the one who is made for cheating . What if , true love comes in my life , and I loose it just beacause , I won’t be able to trust anyone from now?? May be that person won’t understand my feelings ?? ……The days started going on , and my condition even became worse. It was that one day , when I went out in park . I was seeing a small girl playing near the swing , falling but then again getting back . I felt her happiness by picking up small stones and everyone around was watching her play. As she tried jumping , she fell down . I ran to her and got her up . I softly patted on her knees in order to remove the dust . After a long time as she became quiet , she smiled. She came to me , squeezed my cheeks and planted a kiss on my cheek  . I was playing all around in the park with her. I was so surprised by seeing the love and affection she gave me in just a small amount of time . She enjoyed by being in my company too. I suddenly recalled one para I had written in my diary long ago …

” Everything , happens for a reason You may be weak now , but you never know this is just a part of your life . You are made to be stronger ! There are thousand like you who are crying on the love which they lost ! but they are not grateful for the love which is still around them .  You wanna be the same ? Either you can be the same for crying for a man , who cheated on you or you can spread love among people .

Remember , YOU CANNOT ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT , BUT

YOU CAN ALWAYS GIVE SOMETHING YOU EVER WANTED . ”

It was the first time when  I smiled after that broken incident . I decided , that from now I will not cry for what I lost , but will give what I ever wanted . I started smiling , I started making others happy . Believe me there is no other way to move on than making others smile . I started immersing myself in books , romantic novels . I even started listening to good music and started travelling to new places  .The fresh air made me feel good .  I accepted my past slowly , and still believe that there is someone better out there for me , who would love me for what I am . I started giving time for my hobbies , and whenever felt like crying or telling my feelings, I just wrote it down on a paper , then burnt it . Life changed slowly . It’s not that I forgot my past , but I accepted it . I still believe that there is love in the world , and we could get it by  giving love to others  . And you know the best part of my journey ..???……I got a cute little friend with whom I can run around in the park and eat lollipops !!!!